So there was once this guy on his way from Tulsa to Oklahoma City on the Turner Turnpike. It was early in the morning, still dark, and he’s gotta pee, because well, you don’t consume coffee, you only borrow it. He pulls over at the midpoint Mickey D’s.
As he’s getting back into his car, that’s when it happens. He never saw it coming. Four thugs jump him from behind. Fists get buried in both kidneys. He feels a rib crack. A sudden punch in the jaw gives him whiplash. A sharp pain in the temple thanks to the concrete curb and then everything goes black.
Nauseous wretching wakes him up. That and the pain. The left side of his head feels three sizes too big, and he can’t see out of that eye. Maybe it’s swollen shut. He coughs up blood and spits out a tooth or two. Or three. Then realizes what else is missing–his keys, his phone. And the car. What happened?
He tries to half-crawl, half-drag himself somewhere, anywhere, someone might see him and get him some medical attention. And with his one good eye sees someone stepping out of the shop.
****
Mmm… latte. Morning caffeine. The meeting starts in 45 minutes and I’m still an hour out. Why does my alarm not go off the one day of these crazy out-of-town meetings? This isn’t what I signed up for to be a minister. Wait, what’s that? What a bloody mess. Somebody should doing something. Because I can’t. I’m late. Where’s my keys?
*****
A car stops. He can make out a WWJD bumper sticker. The back window is vibrating from the drumming bass of the music. The door opens and a voice loudly continues the song. Something about loving Jesus. A blonde girl steps out, and for a brief moment, their eyes lock. Her eyes dart left and right. She rushes in. Rushes out. Speeds off. And then nothing.
*****
He fades in and out of consciousness. Again. Another car door slams, amidst all the vehicles zooming by at 85 miles an hour. “Omigod. What happened?” The bumper sticker on this one reads: Ban Gay Bashing, Not Gay Marriage.
“I called 911. They’re coming as fast as possible. Can you hear me? Everything’s going to be okay. I’m staying right here with you.”
And the last things he remembered before fading out again was the sight of the rainbow bumper sticker and the sound of sirens.
So, in the end, who is the neighbor?
Fiftyeight 